Weird Chat & Robot Ponies

Just to give you a flavor (although not as flavorful as Bacon) of how my co-workers and I blow off steam during over the department chatroom, I decided to copy a sample. Note: Names have been changed to protect the innocent (unless of course they were never baptized and therefore still carry the filthy stain of Original Sin.)

Estragon (2:30:18 PM): For those of you still looking for a halloween costume, if you dress up as a Chipotle burrito, Chipotle will give you a free one.
Estragon (2:30:39 PM): Just in case you were really desperate for a free burrito...

Vladimir (2:31:09 PM): It's always been a dream of mine to actually be a burrito

Pozzo (2:31:26 PM): Um, how much will all that tinfoil cost?

Vladimir (2:32:27 PM): Anybody have a Sam's Club card?

Pozzo (2:33:44 PM): Get a free burrito AND protect yourself from secret government microwave brainwashing!

A Boy (2:34:18 PM): Can foil really do that?

Estragon (2:34:19 PM): ...and in other wacky news today, apparently stealing a bicycle in the Ivory Coast gets you 3 years in prison...
Estragon (2:34:27 PM): ...while kidnapping a child gets you only one.
Estragon (2:34:28 PM): http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20061023/od_nm/ivorycoast_prisoners_dc

Pozzo (2:35:02 PM): because it's easier to ride a bicycle during a getaway than a child. do you know how many bicycles you'd have to steal to buy one of those little saddles?

Godot (2:35:06 PM): hmm. so if you are going to kidnap a kid, you should not do it on a bicycle

Lucky (2:37:25 PM): What about kidnapping a kid riding a bicycle?

Godot (2:37:47 PM): that's 10 years

Pozzo (2:38:20 PM): but that's only if you keep the bicycle

Lucky (2:39:42 PM): Maybe you could bribe the judge with the bicycle.
Lucky (2:40:02 PM): Or the kid.

Estragon (2:40:30 PM): Better yet, stay out of the Ivory Coast

Pozzo (2:40:44 PM): Bribing a kid with his own bicycle? What nonsense.

Lucky (2:41:28 PM): I'd better change my vacation plans.

Vladimir (2:41:32 PM): Now, since we're talking about the Ivory Coast, are you sure its a kid as in, human child, or is just that you actually get three years for stealing somebody's goat?

Pozzo (2:43:04 PM): No that's punishable by having your hand chopped off
Pozzo (2:43:17 PM): and it gets fed to the goat.

Lucky (2:43:39 PM): Now that gets my goat.

Vladimir (2:43:44 PM): yeah, they'll eat anything.

And speaking of animals and children, I saw something today that frightened me, or at least made me glad I don't have any children. CNBC had the CEO of toy company Hasbro on today and he showcased what he predicted would be one of the hottest toys this Xmas: Butterscotch the Pony.

Now, I'll grant you, I've developed quite a sick mind over the past 30 odd years from cynicism, airplane glue, recreational drugs, Catholicism, pornography, and NOT GETTING MY OWN PONY! Look at the glazed stare of delight in this future Stepford Wife's eyes as she limply straddles her animatronic friend!

From the Hasbro website (quotation marks have not been added):

Every girl dreams of having her very own pony! With realistic animation, movement and sounds, this incredibly lifelike pony is a very special, once-in-a-lifetime friend. This adorable pony stands over three feet tall, and really “comes alive” as she moves and responds to your loving care! Touch or talk to your pony and her head moves! As you continue to interact with her, watch her ears wiggle and her eyes blink! Be sure to take extra-special care of your pony. “Feed” her the carrot and groom her with her brush. Watch her swish her tail back and forth! She even whinnies and snorts, and will sniff your hand! Sit on your pony for a pretend ride and she makes walking sounds! Bring home BUTTERSCOTCH pony and make your little girl’s dreams come true! Pony comes with carrot, brush, halter and special adoption certificate.

Like the Bild Lilli Doll that was the inspiration for Barbie, why do I get this horrible, horrible feeling that this poor little pony will also get sold to middle-aged men for certain "off-label" uses.

Then again, we're also selling a psychotic red muppet that's decided to stop taking his medication to entertain our children.